Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

Featured in Collections

Literature by littlebear1998

Literature by ThePurpleRosex


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
December 14, 2012
File Size
573 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
3,410
Favourites
153 (who?)
Comments
41

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
if we grow old
there will be a sigh
an attention to the change
as your muscles slacken underneath
your faded, favorite shirt
the one that's threadbare, "holy"
in a sense less than divine
I'll have washed it for
the thousandth time
our eyes will crinkle, wrinkle
in ways that start to match
and we'll hold hands and ask:
when did the nerves and veins
begin to let our hands get cold?
-if we grow old
I appreciate the attention this has gotten. Thanks to all who have commented and favorited.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-17
The Best is Yet to Come by ~Helldalgo has a faint sense of rhyme and an illusory sense of passion. ( Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconzee-who:
Zee-Who Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Congrats on your Daily Deviation!:squee::heart:
Reply
:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Writer
Beautiful, in a tragic kind of way, but very stirring. And congrats on the DD!!
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Writer
No worries :D
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013   Writer
as your muscles slacken underneath
your faded, favorite shirt
the one that's threadbare, "holy"
in a sense less than divine
I'll have washed it for
the thousandth time


is bloody brilliant. That wordplay is delicious. The entire poem is so melancholy yet there's something inside it that brings a little warmth. I hope that made sense. Congrats on your DD!
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Made perfect sense. Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
I'm glad it did. You're very welcome. :)
Reply
:iconraptordragoness:
RaptorDragoness Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Student General Artist
wow this is really great :)
Reply
:iconladysuzaku:
LadySuzaku Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
I keep thinking of the line 'Grow old along with me' from Robert Browning's poem as I read this. It's simply introspective on, what is the surface seemingly mundane, but holds more poignant meaning for the person in the lines.

Beautifully done.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That was the inspiration for the title. I'm glad you caught the reference. :) Thank you.
Reply
:iconbustymcbuster:
BustyMcBuster Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautiful
Reply
:iconstefanienicholas:
stefanienicholas Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so gorgeous! Congrats on the DD :D
Reply
:iconcaffeine-dreams:
Caffeine-Dreams Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
Very nice, simple but poignant. Reminds me of Larkin.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Professional General Artist
The lack of capital letters bother me but the content of the poem is wonderful.

I have to ask though, why do you end with "—if we grow old" (use an Em dash instead of a hyphen, by the way)? I personally think the poem is much more powerful by ending with "When did the nerves and veins
begin to let our hands get cold?" I think it works better as a rhetorical question because the answer is already strongly implied in the sentences before this one.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That is a good point, and I considered ending it there when I was writing it. I could go into what I intended with the entire thing, but unless you're really curious, I like to let readers interpret that for themselves.

Also, how does one type an Em dash? I have never figured it out so I've always hyphenated where I wanted to use one.
Reply
:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional General Artist
I already interpreted it in my way so now I'm actually curious what your initial intention was behind the poem. It's always interesting to compare your own interpretation with the author's.

Alt + 0151 = Em dash
Alt + 0150 = En dash (used in a range of numbers or distances between two locations)

I remembered both because I make frequent use of them, particularly the Em dash.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! Learn something new every day, I guess. :)

My intent behind this was to explore the little, irritating habits of one's partner, how you can fall in love with them simply because they're absolutely ubiquitous. And how, after you lose your partner, it's the little things that will cause you to break down.
Reply
:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional General Artist
That's rather deep. I took it as the inevitable deterioration from getting old; more like an observation than about the emotions. So, for what reason did you end with the same sentence as you started with? It seems that's quite essential to your intent behind the poem.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Partly to retain the sense of rhyme, and partly to drive home the fragility of what two people build together.
Reply
:iconuchuubranko:
uchuubranko Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Truly beautiful! :cries:
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Much appreciated. :)
Reply
:iconthewildkid:
TheWildKid Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
Incredible
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I appreciate that. :)
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
And you have a very nice day yourself, as well!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure :happybounce:
Reply
:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Professional General Artist
I mean no offense, but can I ask why you're always congratulating people without commenting on the content of their work?
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Check my F.A.Q.
And after all, why not?
Reply
:iconmartinsilvertant:
MartinSilvertant Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional General Artist
Where can I find this FAQ?

Anyway, speaking for myself I really don't appreciate such comments. Well, I can't say I despise them but they're just not relevant because there is no particular message in regard to the work. If I see someone congratulates everyone on DDs and fails to say anything about the work itself I must conclude that the person cares more about establishing connections between the person's account and other accounts than about giving someone constructive criticism. In fact, judging from the amount of comments you've made I can conclude that this is the case with you. In conclusion, just know that not everyone appreciates a comment without content. It implies a social habit rather than a genuine message. At least let a person know why you think the DD is deserved.

Another thing I want to say is that if I were to do the same as you, without a doubt my profile would be much more popular. Obviously it's beneficial, but I think you have to ask yourself if it's about popularity or quality contributions. I don't comment that much but I'm known by people to give constructive comments.

And lastly, I should note that despite the fact that I don't appreciate the way you often comment, I'm not saying you don't have valuable contributions to dA. In fact I know you contribute a lot. That doesn't take away from the fact however that you do send a lot of comments without content as well.
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
While you do raise some valid points, you are quite offensive telling me that i do this for popularity. Here is the faq [link] , for further messages contact me via note so we don't spam the artist's deviation.
Reply
:iconrasputinsane:
RasputinSane Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Paints a vivid picture, love it!
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconinklingsofoblivion:
InklingsOfOblivion Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like how the same 4 words "if we grow old" begin with a sort of innocent, throw away feel yet by the end have transformed into something a little more sinister. I also like the way this has a real sense of spoken word about it. :clap: wonderful job.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sinister is a good way to describe it.
Reply
:iconinklingsofoblivion:
InklingsOfOblivion Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconcherryinthesun:
CherryInTheSun Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
beautiful!
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. And I love your signature.
Reply
:iconcherryinthesun:
CherryInTheSun Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
no prob at all, my pleasure to read your poem :)
thank you too!
Reply
:iconrramadea:
rrAmadea Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Student Writer
There is an emotionally sad string attached to the words "if we grow old," yet in contrast with the poem itself and title; it works well to provoke thought. Congrats and thank you for sharing.
Reply
:iconhelldalgo:
Helldalgo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for reading!
Reply
Add a Comment: